And for once, alcohol is not the culprit. Joan Rivers is.
Joan appeared on Stern’s Sirius XM show Tuesday morning with daughter Melissa Rivers and went off on Handler, calling her unfunny and worse.
Specifically, she alluded to Chelsea’s relationship with E! CEO Ted Harbert.
“Number one, the girl made it on her back f**king the president, we all know that, of the network. Number two, she’s fine, she’s ordinary,” Rivers told Stern.
“She’s not a genius,” Joan said. “She’s an ordinary girl that was f**king somebody high up in the industry and they gave her a break and she’s doing okay.”
“Whatever she is, she’s a drunk. I don’t wish her good luck, I don’t wish her bad luck. I don’t think she’s funny. But don’t you come after me, you wh*re!”
You may be wondering why I’m posting something about two people who could go toe-to-toe in a competition that featured the most unattractive, untalented people in the “entertainment” business, and the reason is quite simple, my friend: Any situation where Joan Rivers is the voice of reason is a situation that needs to be documented otherwise people would not believe it actually happened. It’s like seeing bigfoot but not having a camera. People have heard the tales, but until there is physical proof, the public will not be convinced it is real.
I guess Joan Rivers’ logic is the bigfoot of the entertainment world. Eh, screw it. Joan Rivers’ logic is the bigfoot of the real world too, except for the fact that until now there were no tales to argue its existence. Sort of like Chelsea Handler’s funniness.
Also, I apologize for any confusion the picture may have caused. I just figured it was a better alternative that being forced to look at either of these two people.
LAWRENCE, Mass. (AP) — A Massachusetts man has turned over 94 hamsters to a local animal shelter, telling officials he was running out of room in his apartment
* * * *
A Lawrence animal control officer says the man was “overwhelmed” when officials came to get the hamsters Friday, and initially wanted to keep a few. But she says he changed his mind.
Officials say the man started keeping the hamsters about five years ago.
It seems like every time I step away from this blog for a while something awesome has happened during my absence.
It’s extremely difficult to update and check in on a daily basis when I’m trying to maintain my basement playroom/dungeon, dealing with a constant turnover of pool boys, and baking my famous oatmeal raisin cookies, so when I make an appearance a few days in a row, I feel like I’ve really accomplished something.
That is not the point, though. I’m not here to bore you with petty whining about how busy I am, because frankly I’m not half as busy as most of you are. I have no kids (though that’s because of a contract a judge forced me to sign. Something about being in the “community’s best interest” or something.) and I’m just a full-time college student with a part-time job, so I’m nothing special. If for some weird reason people wanted me to post more and they demanded I do so, I’d probably oblige because I aim to please and usually my reasons for not posting have more to do with laziness than business and not knowing what to talk about. Trust me, I always have an opinion about something.
But again, I’m straying from the point and I’m terribly sorry for that!
I mentioned something about cool things happening when I’m gone, and that is exactly what happened! I came back today to see that we here are the Argus (and by “we” I really just mean “me”) had an unprecedented spike in readers for one day. The spike ended as abruptly as it started, but I was curious as to why it happened.
Well, apparently the band Ashtar Command (one of my personal favorites) mentioned the “Top 10 Albums” post on Twitter and I’m thinking someone associated with the band mentioned it on Facebook as well. I have no proof of the latter, but we had about six dozen hits solely from Facebook so somebody had to mention something about it because I sure as hell didn’t.
At any rate, if you had anything to do with this (of if you are Ashtar Command), I am very flattered by this. The few chances I’ve had to interact with different bands has pushed me from “casual listener” to “all out fan.” I’m won’t name drop, but I will say that the bands I’ve had these chances with have all been mentioned at one time or another on this blog, and two of them were even mentioned in that Top 10 Albums post. Hmmm…
To tell you the truth, I was pretty flattered a few months ago when I saw that legitimate publicity agencies were sending me press releases from different singers/bands, but I’m even more flattered that we got mentioned by an actual band.
Has The Weekly Argus Arrived? Was The Weekly Argus already there? If not, will The Weekly Argus ever get there? The answer to all of those is an emphatic “no,” but it’s little slices of satisfaction like this that keep this humble corner of the Internet going.
On a side note, I know that I owe a fellow blogger a “reciprocity” post, and rest assured that is coming.
I also know that I haven’t been posting in my usual style much lately, and I can’t say with any certainty if that will change or not. This blog is kind of a wild card. A mish-mash of miscellany, and I don’t see me messing with that formula. Sure, it may not get as many readers or followers as most other blogs, but that’s ok! The readers and followers I do have are pretty awesome people, and I’d rather associate with a few awesome people than a bunch of seedy jamokes.
Anyway, I may post again tonight. If not, I’ll post something tomorrow about hamsters. Stay tuned!
I’ve never recommended a book on here before, so I thought now was as good of a time as ever to start.
I seem to think I’m an expert on music (which, frankly, I am), so I guess it was only a matter of time before that attitude seeped into other areas of entertainment.
Anyway, I recently got this book in the mail as a gift:
It’s without a doubt one of the best books I could have asked for. Seeing how deranged and psychotic people were back in ancient times is really fascinating!
For instance, did you know that one Chinese emperor had his tomb built underground? Is that not fascinating enough? What if I told you that this same emperor had thousands of statues made to guard his tomb? Still not good enough? What if I told you that this Chinese emperor had a replica of the world floating in a sea of mercury in his tomb? That’s one of the most awesome things I’ve ever heard. Needless to say, I recently hired an engineer friend of mine so start designing a final resting place for me that will be comparable to that. I’m thinking a man-made island in the shape of my head floating in a sea of hobo blood.
If you don’t think that story about the Chinese emperor doesn’t sound like 100 of the world’s “worst atrocities, you’re right. That was just a side note to the fact that he killed around 1,000,000 people while he was alive.
The only way that’s ok is if they all got to be buried in that incredible tomb.
Was 2011 as good to you as it was to me? I sure hope so! I met some interesting people, I rekindled the fire of this blog, and, most importantly, I learned how to give deep tissue thigh rubs. 2011 was a fantastic year, and I have no doubt that 2012 will be even better.
Aside from all that, I also found a lot of wonderful music that was released in the past year. Sure, I also heard some pretty terrible music too, but that’s bound to happen unless you give up on listening to music all together. I mean, you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, right?
What kind of person would I be if I kept this abundance of great music to myself, though? Well, I’d be a selfish person, and as you all know, that’s one word that doesn’t describe me. Sarcastic, standoffish, judgmental, lazy, narcissistic, handsome, funny, charming, and supersexyawesome are all words that describe me, though.
But since I’m not selfish, I’ve compiled a top ten list just for you!
It’s a list of the best albums you probably overlooked during 2011, and as luck would have it, there are 10 of these albums! How convenient!
Like I said, these aren’t necessarily the best albums per se, but they are the best the you probably haven’t heard very much (if at all).
So without any further delay, let’s get this thing started with #10 and work our way forward to #1. Drumroll please…
#10. Stereo Typical, Rizzle Kicks
Is a list of top albums really complete without a British rap album? I don’t think so! Luckily, Rizzle Kicks fits that description perfectly. They’re from England and they rap! Sure, there are some songs that are nothing more than fillers on this album, but with 14 songs, that’s bound to happen. Don’t be misled, though. This is a great debut album from two people who have more fun making music than most musicians could imagine. Perhaps seeing a line in their opening song Dreamers is the best way to get a feeling for what Rizzle Kicks is all about:
How I rap now aint the best way, To earn money and tea, It seems like rapping like you’re dumb as… (woo!) Is how you get paid
The highlights on the album are:
Dreamers, Down With the Trumpets, Prophet (Better Watch It), and Miss Cigarette
Since I’ve already posted Down With the Trumpets on this blog, I’ll give you some variety. Here’s their song Prophet (Better Watch It).
#9. Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You, Does it Offend You, Yeah?
This is a band that’s a little hard to figure out. One minute they’re trying to be laid back hipsters who churn out semi-mellow electronic pop-rock and one minute they’re trying to be British rappers (which is somewhat acceptable since they’re British), but they’re best when they stick to what they do best–letting their synthesizers and guitars blare loudly, sporadically, and catchilly (which I don’t think is a word, but it’s a really good description of their music).
To be honest, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You isn’t quite as good as the band’s debut, You Have No Idea What You’re Getting Yourself Into, but there are still some highlights here. They include, but are not limited to:
We Are The Dead, Pull Out My Insides, Yeah!, The Monkeys Are Coming (which may be the best weird song you’ve heard in a while), and Wondering.
Speaking of wondering, here it is:
#8. We Are the Tide, Blind Pilot
From British Rap, to British electronica, to American folk, we seem to be hitting all the popular genres here.
Do you know how I know this album is good? I strongly dislike almost every acoustic/folk/blatantly hipster album I’ve ever heard.
Not this one, though. In fact, I like this album. A lot. I stumbled across the song Half Moon by total accident and I thought it was one of the loveliest songs I had ever heard.
If there’s a complaint with We Are the Tide, it’s that at only 10 songs, this is an album that seems to end too fast.
The highlights here are:
Half Moon, Always, We Are the Tide, and Just One.
Here’s Half Moon. If you don’t think it’s one of the most soothing songs you’ve ever heard, you can bet that you’ll never be on the receiving end of a back rub from yours truly.
#7. Era Extrana, Neon Indian
A lot of people don’t seem to like Neon Indian’s newest album as much as his debut, Psychic Chasms, but rest assured, I am not one of those people.
Era Extrana is much more complete than Psychic Chasms, which at times, dragged on to the point where the songs sort of just ran together. There is no such problem on this album. Some of the songs are catchy, some of them are mellow, but they all have two things in common: they’re warped and trippy.
If you’re a fan of psychedelic dance music, you will like Neon Indian. If you are not, they why are you still reading this? And where are my pants?
Here are the highlights:
Polish Girl, Era Extrana, Halogen (I Could Be A Shadow), and Arcade Blues.
Here’s Polish Girl:
#6. Killer Sounds, Hard-Fi
I am almost 100% sure that you haven’t heard this album, and that is a shame. I don’t blame you, though. In spite of their incredible debut album 5 or 6 years ago and a pretty solid follow up album, Hard-Fi is hardly a household name. Maybe they are in England, their home country, but that’s not enough. They need to be popular in America too. Only then will England be forgiven for giving us Coldplay.
Hard-Fi is one of the few guitar-driven rock bands that are worth listening to anymore. Sometimes they get a little carried away with the electronic sounds on this album, but when they stick to their guitar-rock roots, they’re as good as ever.
And the highlights are…:
Good For Nothing, Excitement, Love Song, and Killer Sounds
Here’s Love Song for your enjoyment:
#5. Heartbeats and Brainwaves, Electric Six
You didn’t really think I could have an “Albums of the Year” list without an Electric Six album, did you? Maybe I rated them too high because I’m such a big fan or maybe I rated them too low because I’m trying to overcompensate being such a big fan by low-balling them. All I really know is that this album belongs on the list. I didn’t know where, though, so I just stuck it in the middle.
It’s more electronic than Electric Six’s previous efforts, which were, for the most part, heavy on the guitars, but that’s not a bad thing at all. The band blends so many genres on this album it’s ridiculous. I think that’s why I like this band so much. Not only do all of their albums sound totally different (which may drive away some traditional music fans), but all of their songs sound different. This is one of the most unique bands out there, and I suggest you buy one of their albums. Now.
The highlights are:
French Bacon, It Gets Hot, Interchangeable Knife, Hello! I See You, and We Use the Same Products.
I had a really hard time choosing between French Bacon and Interchangeable Knife, but I went with the former only because of the opening line(s)
Have you heard about the new sex new sex / It’s a reason to be nicer to you / I see you puttin’ on the Brand X spandex / Everybody needs something to do.
Here it is:
#4. Torches, Foster the People
The next four albums may make you question what I said about generally not liking hipster music, but when music is good, music is good, and I’m not too proud to admit when that is the case.
As it happens, such is the case with Foster the People’s debut album. Everybody who has ever shopped at Urban Outfitters (which I’m not knocking because I’m not a hypocrite) knows who Foster the People is, but do the masses?
I honestly don’t know. I know they should, but I don’t know if they do.
Anyway, I’m a fan of catchy music that makes you feel happy and dark music that makes you feel like something bad is about to happen. This album definitely isn’t the latter, but it’s catchier than chlamydia and happier than a hyena.
The highlights are:
Helena Beat, Pumped Up Kicks, Don’t Stop (Color On the Walls), Houdini, and Love.
Don’t Stop (Color On the Walls) has been played to death, so here’s Helena Beat:
#3. Megalithic Symphony, Awolnation
I thought Sail was a pretty popular song, so I was fairly surprised when I talked to people who didn’t know who it was by or people who hadn’t heard it at all.
The funny thing about the song, though, is it’s nothing like the rest of the album. I got the album the week it came out, and to tell you the truth, it was my least favorite song on the album.
I don’t know if that means the rest of the album is great of if I just don’t know good music when I recognize it, but I really hope it’s the first one or else I have no business posting things that are in any way, shape, or form related to music.
I’m pretty sure it’s the first one, though, because the rest of the album is pretty terrific.
Some of the highlights are:
Soul Wars, People, Guilty Filthy Soul, Kill Your Heros, and Sail.
I’m assuming you’re one of the ones who’s heard Sail, so here’s People instead.
#2. In the Mountain, In the Cloud, Portugal. The Man
This was a band I hadn’t even heard of until a couple months ago, and that makes me sad. I didn’t know music like this was out there.
It’s not like Portugal. The Man is anything special, but I think that’s what makes them special. They just play good music. There’s no gimmicks, no fancy production, no crazy effects. Nothing needs to be stripped down because it’s just quality music. That’s all that’s there. Quality music.
It’s psychedelic, it’s warm (which is ironic since they’re from Alaska), and it’s a shame if you haven’t heard it. I really thought about putting this as #1, but I changed my mind at the last minute because I feel like the non-highlights on Ashtar Command’s album are slightly better than the non-highlights on this album, but you can’t go wrong with either one.
The highlights are:
So American, Got it All (This Can’t Be Living Now), You Carried Us (Share With Me The Sun), and All Your Light (Times Like These).
Speaking of All Your Light (Times Like These), it may not be their best song (that’s Got it All), but the video was too good not to post. Enjoy!
#1. American Sunshine, Ashtar Command
As you would probably guess based on a band who names themselves after an alien-related topic, the songs here are spacey, mellow, and trippy.
What you may not guess is that this is one of the best albums of 2011, period. Not “one of the best albums you may have overlooked.” Just one of the best. I’ll admit that I have no clue how the music industry works, but I have no idea how a band like this can be so unknown.
Truth be told, I actually don’t know how to describe this album without sounding repetitive, and that’s a shame because the music is anything but that.
If you’re a fan of slower electronic music, I guarantee you will like this album. If not, I will personally bake you a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies.
Almost every song on the album is a highlight, but here are the standouts of the standouts:
The Breakup Song, (Walking On) Landmines, Mark IV, Rosa, and Salvation.
It was nearly impossible to choose a song from this album. The only one that was ruled out was Mark IV because it was already posted on this blog, so I just went ahead and posted a song that they released before their album. Is it cheap? Yes. Do I care? No.
I don’t feel right about that. I guess I do care. Here’s the opener, Let the Sunshine In.
So there it is. The list is complete. I hope you enjoyed it! Come back tomorrow. If you want to, of course. Nobody’s forcing you.
Is a list of top albums really complete without a British rap album? I don’t think so! Luckily, Rizzle Kicks fits that description perfectly. They’re from England and they rap! Sure, there are some songs that are nothing more than fillers on this album, but with 14 songs, that’s bound to happen. Don’t be misled, though. This is a great debut album from two people who have more fun making music than most musicians could imagine. Perhaps seeing a line in their opening song Dreamers is the best way to get a feeling for what Rizzle Kicks is all about:
This is a band that’s a little hard to figure out. One minute they’re trying to be laid back hipsters who churn out semi-mellow electronic pop-rock and one minute they’re trying to be British rappers (which is somewhat acceptable since they’re British), but they’re best when they stick to what they do best–letting their synthesizers and guitars blare loudly, sporadically, and catchilly (which I don’t think is a word, but it’s a really good description of their music).
From British Rap, to British electronica, to American folk, we seem to be hitting all the popular genres here.
A lot of people don’t seem to like Neon Indian’s newest album as much as his debut, Psychic Chasms, but rest assured, I am not one of those people.
I am almost 100% sure that you haven’t heard this album, and that is a shame. I don’t blame you, though. In spite of their incredible debut album 5 or 6 years ago and a pretty solid follow up album, Hard-Fi is hardly a household name. Maybe they are in England, their home country, but that’s not enough. They need to be popular in America too. Only then will England be forgiven for giving us Coldplay.
You didn’t really think I could have an “Albums of the Year” list without an Electric Six album, did you? Maybe I rated them too high because I’m such a big fan or maybe I rated them too low because I’m trying to overcompensate being such a big fan by low-balling them. All I really know is that this album belongs on the list. I didn’t know where, though, so I just stuck it in the middle.
The next four albums may make you question what I said about generally not liking hipster music, but when music is good, music is good, and I’m not too proud to admit when that is the case.
I thought Sail was a pretty popular song, so I was fairly surprised when I talked to people who didn’t know who it was by or people who hadn’t heard it at all.
This was a band I hadn’t even heard of until a couple months ago, and that makes me sad. I didn’t know music like this was out there.
As you would probably guess based on a band who names themselves after an alien-related topic, the songs here are spacey, mellow, and trippy.
