And for once, alcohol is not the culprit. Joan Rivers is.

Joan appeared on Stern’s Sirius XM show Tuesday morning with daughter Melissa Rivers and went off on Handler, calling her unfunny and worse.

Specifically, she alluded to Chelsea’s relationship with E! CEO Ted Harbert.

“Number one, the girl made it on her back f**king the president, we all know that, of the network. Number two, she’s fine, she’s ordinary,” Rivers told Stern.

“She’s not a genius,” Joan said. “She’s an ordinary girl that was f**king somebody high up in the industry and they gave her a break and she’s doing okay.”

“Whatever she is, she’s a drunk. I don’t wish her good luck, I don’t wish her bad luck. I don’t think she’s funny. But don’t you come after me, you wh*re!”

-The Hollywood Gossip

The Weekly Argus Says:

You may be wondering why I’m posting something about two people who could go toe-to-toe in a competition that featured the most unattractive, untalented people in the “entertainment” business, and the reason is quite simple, my friend: Any situation where Joan Rivers is the voice of reason is a situation that needs to be documented otherwise people would not believe it actually happened. It’s like seeing bigfoot but not having a camera. People have heard the tales, but until there is physical proof, the public will not be convinced it is real.

I guess Joan Rivers’ logic is the bigfoot of the entertainment world. Eh, screw it. Joan Rivers’ logic is the bigfoot of the real world too, except for the fact that until now there were no tales to argue its existence. Sort of like Chelsea Handler’s funniness.

Also, I apologize for any confusion the picture may have caused. I just figured it was a better alternative that being forced to look at either of these two people.

LAWRENCE, Mass. (AP) — A Massachusetts man has turned over 94 hamsters to a local animal shelter, telling officials he was running out of room in his apartment

*     *     *     *

A Lawrence animal control officer says the man was “overwhelmed” when officials came to get the hamsters Friday, and initially wanted to keep a few. But she says he changed his mind.

Officials say the man started keeping the hamsters about five years ago.

-KRJH

The Weekly Argus Says:

I wonder what Richard Gere is up to these days.

It seems like every time I step away from this blog for a while something awesome has happened during my absence.

It’s extremely difficult to update and check in on a daily basis when I’m trying to maintain my basement playroom/dungeon, dealing with a constant turnover of pool boys, and baking my famous oatmeal raisin cookies, so when I make an appearance a few days in a row, I feel like I’ve really accomplished something.

That is not the point, though. I’m not here to bore you with petty whining about how busy I am, because frankly I’m not half as busy as most of you are. I have no kids (though that’s because of a contract a judge forced me to sign. Something about being in the “community’s best interest” or something.) and I’m just a full-time college student with a part-time job, so I’m nothing special. If for some weird reason people wanted me to post more and they demanded I do so, I’d probably oblige because I aim to please and usually my reasons for not posting have more to do with laziness than business and not knowing what to talk about. Trust me, I always have an opinion about something.

But again, I’m straying from the point and I’m terribly sorry for that!

I mentioned something about cool things happening when I’m gone, and that is exactly what happened! I came back today to see that we here are the Argus (and by “we” I really just mean “me”) had an unprecedented spike in readers for one day. The spike ended as abruptly as it started, but I was curious as to why it happened.

Well, apparently the band Ashtar Command (one of my personal favorites) mentioned the “Top 10 Albums” post on Twitter and I’m thinking someone associated with the band mentioned it on Facebook as well. I have no proof of the latter, but we had about six dozen hits solely from Facebook so somebody had to mention something about it because I sure as hell didn’t.

At any rate, if you had anything to do with this (of if you are Ashtar Command), I am very flattered by this. The few chances I’ve had to interact with different bands has pushed me from “casual listener” to “all out fan.” I’m won’t name drop, but I will say that the bands I’ve had these chances with have all been mentioned at one time or another on this blog, and two of them were even mentioned in that Top 10 Albums post. Hmmm…

To tell you the truth, I was pretty flattered a few months ago when I saw that legitimate publicity agencies were sending me press releases from different singers/bands, but I’m even more flattered that we got mentioned by an actual band.

Has The Weekly Argus Arrived? Was The Weekly Argus already there? If not, will The Weekly Argus ever get there? The answer to all of those is an emphatic “no,” but it’s little slices of satisfaction like this that keep this humble corner of the Internet going.

On a side note, I know that I owe a fellow blogger a “reciprocity” post, and rest assured that is coming.

I also know that I haven’t been posting in my usual style much lately, and I can’t say with any certainty if that will change or not. This blog is kind of a wild card. A mish-mash of miscellany, and I don’t see me messing with that formula. Sure, it may not get as many readers or followers as most other blogs, but that’s ok! The readers and followers I do have are pretty awesome people, and I’d rather associate with a few awesome people than a bunch of seedy jamokes.

Anyway, I may post again tonight. If not, I’ll post something tomorrow about hamsters. Stay tuned!